Tohma's Breakfast
by 0ri
Summary: Tohma has a little fun with Shuichi's breakfast... YukixShu onesided TohmaxYuki and TohmaxBagel. Don't read this if you don't hate Tohma or have a soft stomach. added response to all your lovely reviews
1. Default Chapter

All I can say is, don't bitch to me about this fic. It was a joke…. xDD and have fun. Yaaaay:lights tohma doll on fire:

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_Tap, Tap._

Tohma sighed, tilting up his head and staring at Yuki's white ceiling, lifting up his hand and rubbing his temple slowly. He closed his eyes, and behind his lids his head pounded and ached. And Eiri wasn't home. Shuichi was asleep; and Tohma most certainty didn't want to wake the annoying pink haired pop start just to find out where _his_ Eiri had wandered off to. The little idiot probably didn't know, anyway-Like he ever could keep track of Yuki in the first place.

Tohma paced the kitchen, opening his eyes, and holding his head down, counting the tiles on the floor without actually looking at them. His eyes were dead and dazed with clouded thoughts. He wanted Eiri to come home, and _soon. _But crap, did his head hurt. It had hurt since he had woken up, and looked at Mika that morning, and started running through flashbacks of all those times in New York. Where Eiri would be at his apartment, sleeping next to him, after the two had shared a long, relaxing bath together—which involved splashing each other, laughing, and playing with sponges—and could he be blamed?

He sighed, shaking his head, staring at his socked feet. Tohma never wore shoes in anyone's personal apartment out of politeness, and especially Eiri's, he would never, ever want to get a smug, or so much as a speck, of dirt on the floo-

And there it was, sitting on the countertop, innocently.

A _bagel._

Tohma eyed the bagel for a moment, and moved over to it, wondering how it got there-he was sure it wasn't there a second ago. But, when he was thinking, he was blind, so there was the possibility that he had missed it earlier. But who in the right mind would leave a perfectly good, heated, with cheese, bagel out in the open of blind germs and disease?

Tohma touched it for a moment, figuring Eiri might have made it and left in a rush of some kind, and decided not to eat-or, left it for Shuichi. A string of jealousy slowly struck tohma. His emotions boiled and made his heart beat faster, his breathe speeding up with the new pace. He found himself walking in circles around the kitchen as he thought; both hands behind his back. He panted, emotions stirring back and forth from lust to anger.

The fact was simple and plain; shuichi had no fucking clue just how lucky he was to have eiri. Tohma bit his tongue, remembering the night he'd never forget; where eiri came to his apartment, soaked with rain water, eyes wide. He had let him into his apartment of course, closed the door and secretly –locked- it, and got eiri a towel before he caught his death with the water.

He then explained to tohma these dreams he had been having since he had came to America. Dreams where he would wake up and look out the window, and the city would be halfway under-water. He would rush around his apartment, get out, on a boat, and search for tohma. But he'd never find him. At the end of this dream particularly, however, he did find him, leaning against the wall and slitting his wrists open with a razor. It ended in himself going insane and running out of the apartment, drowning. Eiri was so confused. He hadn't know what it meant, and, somewhere around the end of it, he started crying.

Tohma had leaned over, hugged him, enclosing eiri's body in his larger arms; shutting his eyes and rocking back and forth with him soothingly. He remembered the scent of him like it was yesterday. The rain water was cold, but was turning hot and moist on the teenagers shaken body. His breathe was fast, then eventually, slowed into a normal pace.

He remembered those large golden eyes looking up at him, looking for understanding. And tohma understood, blushing. Around that point eiri leaned up from the couch, and locked his lips with tohma's.

Back at eiri's-no, yuki's apartment-tohma inched closer towards the bagel, wondering why his body was moving without his permission. He picked it up shakily; staring at the piece of food like it was some thing more.

He was still thinking. It wasn't that hard to remember, either. Sadly, he was certain if yuki—his yuki—tried to now, wouldn't be able to recall the night. The hot kisses they passionately gave one another; how tohma had straddled eiri's waist and, made him scream his name until both his body and throat were sore and raw. Slipping in and out of eiri's body was both easy and pleasurable—it was like they had been made for one another from the start. Tohma's ears ringed with eiri's hushed whispers and groans until they burned wonderfully with sound.

"tohma, _t-t_o_hma,_"

He remembered. And he cherished the memory…

He licked his lips slowly and carefully, gathering the saliva that had formed in his mouth and pushing it back into his throat. He was shaking, his body was wet with sweat and heat, and all he could see was large golden eyes staring up at him, half closed, dazed and full of lust and—possibly, love.

And on his lips he tasted… sweat…

And the bagel was so close, yet _so_ far away.

And it was possibly, some thing eiri had made. Tohma picked it up, holding the soft dough in his hands, moving it to his lips to breathe in its fumes. It didn't smell anything like eiri, but the dough was the color of his eyes… those large, eyes, before they had been struck by pain and misery and—completely ruined.

Tohma went back to thinking about how eiri had been, touching the bagel, stroking it in a sexual rhythm-His other hand carefully sliding down his own stomach, slipping on the soft cotton fabric of his clothes, and touching the bulge in his pants.

He wanted something to touch or be touched by so bad… he was desperate. And mika, surprisingly, was horrible in bed.

He listened to the zipper of his pants screech downward. It was a familiar sound.

No one would see… just a little touch.

Even if they did, he could pay them to forget.

Eiri wouldn't be home for at least another hour… tohma knew when eiri went out, which was rare, it was usually for a long period of time—instead of going out a lot multiple times, he went out for rare, long periods of time. And shuichi was working his ass off at NG, there was no way in fuck-land he'd have the energy to get up.

Tohma bit his lip, running between a thin border-line of being polite and just having decency, to what his body wanted, what his body absolutely needed and loathed but couldn't be without.

_Oh fuck it. _

He slipped out of his pants easily, shuttering as he felt the fabric crawl down his skin. Next came his boxers, which was, too, easy to get off. Feeling a little weird with just having all his bottom clothes off but not his top, he slipped out of his black jacket, purple vest, and button-up navy blue shirt.

There, he sank on his knees onto the kitchen floor, his bottom lip twitching and trembling as he held the bagel to his lips and shut his eyes.

He wiped across its bumpy, hot texture with his tongue. Groaning a little, moving around the edges in a careful circular motion as he pictured this bagel being Eiri's skin—Eiri's skin was much smoother and was much more pale, but he could deal with it.

Tohma propped himself up against his kitchen island, groaning, his tongue tracing every inch of the bagel's soft surface. He was loosing sight of himself, and quite quickly, too. Reaching down, he stroked the skin there, sighed, gasped, and pressed his tongue into the center of the bagel, where the small, hot, cheesy hole was. The cheese oozed and smothered over his mouth, stretching as he pulled away, while his other hand worked between his legs; Making himself hard, wet, and slippery within minutes.

The bagel didn't touch. It didn't need to. It was beautiful in its inability to touch.

Tohma had never had sex with an inadamid object before, but now that he was trying it, he liked it. No, that was an under statement, he _loved _it.

And the bagel wasn't much different then Eiri had been on that night. Smooth, soft texture, a hole, non-moving. It didn't touch, and just let him do all the touching, as if too shy to move or make a mistake. It didn't have eyes, yes, or legs, or arms… But those things didn't matter. In his mind, he was with Eiri, felt his breathe and his pathetic, shy touches, and heard his pants. The bagel was just like Eiri had been. No, it _was_ Eiri.

Now he was off the edge his ecstasy. Rolling on the floor, with the bagel pressed to his lips, rubbing and rubbing it down the sticky, wet skin of his chest. It dragged and kind of scratched, but soon dulled to a flat surface. He moved it further down, rolling on his side, groaning, grabbing himself, and then sitting up.

He felt himself glare with the determination. He was ecstatic. Shutting his eyes once more, he slipped into the bagel, trying not to scream. He moved faster and harder, slipping back in and out, moaning.

Seguichi then felt some one staring and, out of paranoia, stopped.

There was Yuki, hovering a few inches away from him, eyes wide, face looking paler then usual—he had two bags of groceries in his hands, both filled with booze. Gripping each bag with hands that were now sweaty and shaky, his heart pounding in his ears.

"Tohma…" He said, breathless. Red filled Tohma's cheeks instantly, and his eyes went wide as he came to realization of what he had just done. Eiri looked just as shocked, and a little sick as well. He dropped the groceries, jerking away, hissing, his voice steadily rising to a yell.

"Get out. _Get the fuck out._ And don't come back! EVER!"

Tohma jumped, and went to quickly gather his clothes, not even bothering to get dressed as he left the bagel, white all over the floor, ass-naked, running out the door.

Yuki shook his head, keeping his face buried in his hands so he wouldn't have to see the grotesque mess around him. He messily grabbed a can of beer out of the package quickly, hands still shaking; and walked off into the hallway where he could be out of vision of it, and locked himself in his study, drinking his thoughts away.

**END.**

all i can say is wow... i have a sick mind... xDDD


	2. dear readers

Oh wow. You know, when I wrote this, it was sort of my friends idea. We were discussing how no matter what the object, tohma could conduct "sexual activities" with it as long as he had Eiri on his mind. xDDD We laughed our asses off on the thought.

This story was mainly written to scare the crap out of my friend (Bethany) friends. Does that make much sense? And, I thought "what the hell," and put it up on fanfiction to laugh and see how it would affect people.

I was a little saddened when I realized I couldn't respond to any of your most thoughtful and intriguing reviews…. But now, oh yes, I have discovered a way! I will respond to each and every review, so do not feel left out:3 yours will be here somewhere! Even if you haven't reviewed this story, go ahead and read it, the response should be funny.

To Guren: oh good. The main purpose was to sick people out. But for those of us who are already sick (not a bad thing xD) I guess we can find a little humor in such things.

To Saitaina R. Moricia: I felt the same way while writing this; Which is pretty strange… It was funny, it had its moments, but there were times I felt as low as dirty sexually for writing some thing so… so…. How do you say it? Graphic? And thank you for your compliment on my writing. I never thought it was a big deal.

To AkeatiaFoxx: Dirty minds are different. Different is never bad.

To GravityNeko: It did have its moments, didn't it?

To jmccall93: For some reason it came up as correct on my spell check. I'll try to remember that.

To Akina Tsukana: Can't decide whether it was good or bad? It's okay… I understand… xD

To LadyRave: XDDD Hehehehe.

To l.h.o.o.q: Oh wow. I love how this affected you and your life. xD Oh yeah, and by the way, I know the girl who made that icon. She's the same chick who helped to put a great deal of this idea in my head, and pushed me to finish it… xD You should see what happens to me when some one mentions bagel. I'll like… cry. It's pathetic.

To virenta: XDD BITCH! You helped! : You know you did….

To relish: Okay dumbass, didn't you read the "don't read this if you don't hate tohma" warning in the description? Besides, how do you know he never does such things? Can you truly be so sure? I mean, common, look at Mika… that bitch couldn't satisfy a mouse if she tried. If I were tohma, I'd rather fuck a bagel, too.

To A: XDDD dude I love you! This is honest to god the BEST review I've ever gotten:hugs you:

To EiriyukiLover: o.o

To Meagan: xD yay a satisfied reader!

To Eiri-Lover-223: you think it feels dirty reading it? Imagine writing it:cries and lights near by bagel on fire:

To Deshira: Okay!

To runningwanderingredserpent: Accutally, that's not true. I really do like Tohma. I looooove the TohmaxEiri pairing to friggin death. I think they go so much better together then Shuichi and Eiri do… But, you know, tohma can be a dick some times, and this was written based off those moments. Maki sure as hell can't make up her mind whether or not she wants tohima to love mika or eiri, and it's kind of pissing me off now.

But anyway, thankyou for the compliment on my writing. Like I said earlier :if you read: I never thought much of my own writing… I'm still learning a lot. And it did take a hella lot of gut to write this… but once I was finished, I was like, "BURN BITCH! MWAHAHAHAA! I JUST WROTE THE SICKEST PIECE OF FICTION EVER" and for that… I am proud.

Now I am done reviewing all my reviews…. I was thinking of writing a second chapter to this story, an actual second chapter… anyone think I should? xD


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